Monday, 17 July 2017

WHY I STOPPED VLOGGING & BLOGGING AND STARTING A FRESH


When I first started out on my Blogging / YouTube journey back in 2010 it was still a pretty undiscovered hobby.  I didn't really tell friends or family about it as I was still embarrassed, and at the time no one really understood why I did it.  Unless you were a fellow blogger it probably wasn't that interesting to the regular Joe Blogs.  However, over the years the industry around blogging grew and more and more people were setting up blogs or YouTube channels and putting their lives online. Initially the community was amazing, everyone so supportive of one another, people actually read and watched each others videos and left comments and there was no such thing as your 'tribe', there were just bloggers and YouTubers living equally and making content for fun.

Somewhere along the line things changed.  Brands wanted in on this thing called blogging, they realised that old fashioned paper advertising or celebrity endorsed products were becoming a thing of the past, real people wanted to buy products that other real people liked and use and could afford.  We can't deny that it was a clever tactic and to this day endorsing products is still huge and it's ultimately how Bloggers and Youtubers make their money.  Don't get me wrong I'm all for a slice of the AD pie, but I feel like it's been a huge game changer for the world of Bloggers and Youtubers, turning something that was fun and enjoyable into a dog eat dog world, creating tribes, and cleaks and essentially turning Bloggers and Youtubers into what I can only describe as 'mean girls'.

It may seem like I am just moaning and some may read this post and think it's totally untrue but this is my reality!  It could be just the fact that I let social media and others influence my life, my thoughts on blogging, on what I should and shouldn't be doing.  I am not one to step over someone else to get what I want and so maybe the problem is me?  Maybe I need to be tougher, maybe I should grow a thicker skin, maybe I should step over others, but that doesn't feel good to me.  Over the last two years I feel like I've been trying really hard to fit in, to push my way into the cool mum club, to be accepted by the 'bigger' mum blogger/vloggers. I've never succeeded.  Instead I've often been left feeling deflated and that the whole community is a little bit fake and unreal, I mean I know that this online worlds we create are rarely 'real life' but I am sucker for believing that they are! It's funny to me how so many of these bloggers/vloggers promote messages of 'you are not alone' and 'join our tribe', 'never feel lonely' yet the whole time that's exactly how I've felt!  Am I just so naive to it all that it's my fault? 

There's no denying that I over analyse everything, take things to heart, and read into things but I am sure that I am not alone when I say that this world of blogging and vlogging can feel terribly lonely! 

A few months ago it got so much for me that it was ruining my happiness and I was feeling anxiety about it all and so I decided to take my blog and youtube offline completely.  Over the course of the past year several things happened within the blogging/vlogging community that made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be a part of the 'tribe', I felt like I had tried but my voice wasn't being heard.  Don't get me wrong I've met some gems along the way, real people who inspired me (and still do) but I wasn't sure if that was enough. I made the decision to completely shut down, I hid my blog, deactivated my Facebook and made all of my videos private and it felt like such a HUGE relief!

It's been several months now since I penned anything on here or even picked up my camera, I made a few insta stories a few months back stating that I was coming back but I don't think I was ready and it never materialised.  So why now? and why come back?

The plain and simple answer is that I miss the memories!  I mainly miss the weekly vlogs, I miss capturing Oscar, I miss editing hours of footage and I miss writing.  I don't miss the mean girls, I don't miss the dog eat dog competition, nor do I miss feeling like the outcast and I certainly don't miss the anxiety but something is missing!

I wanted to write this post because I felt I needed to in order to off load the burden I feel I've been carry about it all!  I've wanted to address this for almost a year now, I wanted to be honest, not for attention, but because I felt I needed to get it out.  I needed to empty these thoughts from my mind and so I've placed them here!  I've tried to write this many times before but every time I penned something I would delete it because I didn't think it was what people would want to read and I didn't think it would be received well but hey I don't care, not writing it was probably the exact reason why I've felt so shit about this thing I once loved for so long!

I am not sure where I go from here but I would like to wipe the slate clean, start a fresh and whilst I will continue to support my favourite guys and gals online you probably won't find me in the blogging groups or tribes for some time, I won't be trying to be a cool mum blogger with the rest of them and I'll probably just be here hanging out trying to do me, the real me!  I might make it back to youtube with weekly vlogs and the odd video but I'm making no promises!

I've decided not to reactive my Facebook page for the time being but instead you can find me on Twitter or Instagram, I'm really friendly (honestly) and I would love to chat with you all, come say hi! They'll be no tribes or cleaks, just plain old me and hopefully a whole load of getting back to what I once loved! 

Kirsty x








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7 comments

  1. Hey Kirsty, I've missed your blogs and vlogs. I understand what you are saying though but just come back and keep making the memories for Oscar. That's the main reason I do it all. I haven't even got time to try and be in with the cool gang haha. Just make memories to keep forever xxxx

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  2. Definitely agree, things have changed and there are a lot more cliques. I'm not one of the cool girls and never will be - sometimes It hurts when I see others sharing snaps from fancy events I wasn't invited to, but at the end of the day I have to remind myself it isn't personal. All we can do is be ourselves and hope it attracts the right audience. I enjoy your vlogs and your writing so I'm glad to see you back!

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    1. It sometimes feels like a kick in the teeth but your right it's not personal and I've got to learn to separate that it's just hard sometimes when you feel you've been working so hard, then a newbie rocks up, gets 1000's of followers and brand deals over night and your like hello? :) life & learn x

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  3. I feel ya Kirsty! I've been exactly the same! I've been blogging roughly the same amount of time and have really noticed the changes. I stopped worrying about numbers, only accept PR requests if it's something I absolutely want to do, and only blog when I want to. I feel so much freer to endorse things I like/enjoy/do that I pay for myself rather than chasing potential opportunities than mostly disappoint me! Like Christy I feel a bit sad when I'm not invited to things but I'm blogging for me and my audience and I'll keep going on my own terms as long as it's fun!

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    1. I struggle with consistency which is due to my own self doubt which prob doesn't help but I'm an in the moment kinds of girl and I do what I think is best at the time! I'll definitely be doing me from now on xx

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  4. Thank you Bex! Your a star! I don't have the time either and think that's probably part of the problem xx

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  5. I've really missed you. You are one of the "normal" girls that I love taking to and relating to. And I don't mean normal in a patronising manner, you know what I mean I'm sure xx

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